It’s been over a year since I wrote my first blog for East Ayrshire Women’s Aid called Deepfakes – Revenge Porn 2.0 which can be found here. In recent months, the accused was found guilty so I thought I would reflect on how I’m feeling now.
My first blog was not live for very long before Police Scotland notified EAWA that the post should be taken down as at the time, it was an on-going investigation. To find the power to shout about something so personal to raise awareness was difficult, so I was sorely disappointed hearing this. I did not mention the perpetrators name, hometown, nothing that could be classed as defamation of character, yet again, I was silenced. I felt that although I (and many other girls involved) was the victim, the perpetrator received more anonymity and protection than I did. This angered me, however, I didn’t want to engage with activity that could jeopardise the case or the sentence, so the post was taken down.
So, what happened? He was sentenced to three years supervision, 250 hours unpaid work and has a non-harassment order against me for three years and I have the pleasure of receiving £333.00 compensation (£3000.00 split between all women involved) in the form of a measly cheque for £11.10 bi-weekly – I mean, really? It was so worth being graphically abused for a croissant and a coffee once a week.
Although I do believe he has been let off far too lightly, I am happy he has been charged at all and I am very grateful for this as many women who experience abuse of any kind cannot say the same. I do however wish he had a charge on his record demonstrating how much of a danger he is to women, as I think this is knowledge his employers, future partners etc. should have access to. I hope his case is used as an example moving forward and no other person has to be told by a police officer ‘that’s not illegal’. I see more and more in the media about Deepfakes, and I am grateful for the recognition as this needs to be made an illegal practice across the UK, and I will continue to advocate for this until people feel safe enough to post pictures of themselves without living in fear.
As strange as it may be to say, I believe every cloud has a silver-lining and I am grateful this happened to me as I am strong enough to cope and come out of this at the other side. I can happily say I am no longer living in fear of someone recognising me from the Deepfakes or of running into him – I think he should be scared of me.
I am excelling in every aspect of my life, and I can’t say the same for the perpetrator (karma’s a bitch). I am also incredibly proud of all the women who were affected by this case for coming forward, speaking with police no matter how triggering, how we are bonded for life over this and have made something positive out of something so awful. I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the last few years after this incident to reclaim my identity and I could not have done it without all the amazing women in my life as they are my support system.
I receive and give so much love from my female friendships and I’ve realised that they are the loves of my life – not some white knight. It’s my ladies. If you find yourself struggling to get over something someone has done to you, take solace in the knowledge that they will never be happy. Abusers need to live with their conscience and their guilt and I hope it tears them apart every day whilst you pour all your energy into your own cup. You are not what someone has done to you, this does not define you. You chose what you give energy to, and I urge you to give it to yourself. Take it from me, things start to get pretty wonderful.
I wanted to end this chapter by giving space for another voice victimised by this crime to gain another perspective of how this event has directly impacted her life who wishes to remain anonymous.
Systematic design made for men, by men
Deep fake revenge porn is ought to be taken seriously across the board. Legally, socially, politically, there seems to be free passes and an outdated, outrageous reaction such as ‘boys will be boys’. We typically expect incel men to be the standard shy, geeky, not very attractive outclass of social settings. The reality is that he is the guy you went on a few dates with, moderately attractive, decent friends, likeable family. He is the guy you match with on tinder and consider his chat promising, he is the guy you work hospitality shifts with until the bar closes.
In this particular case, he is a man who spent a lengthy amount of time in our friend groups. I have been in this man’s house with groups of people, using his laptop to watch YouTube videos. It sends chills up my spine knowing he used the same laptop to produce countless deep fake pornographic images, not only to give himself the thrill, but to involve unknown males from the same incel community, mixing tech skills with misogyny to harm as many women as possible.
What baffles me is the incredible amount of agency perpetrators have over this crime. Not to mention the long, drawn out, ridiculous justification process. An argument which a perpetrator states he is entitled to his imagination and creative outlets! How preposterous us women must be to dare take offence to the disgusting, barbaric and monstrous misogynistic creation. I say this with rage and resentment towards the issue itself, primarily because I am currently a part of this very issue.
I don’t feel comfortable using the word victim – but images of me have been part of a deep fake pornography website, facilitated and supported by men across the world. However the contribution involving me comes from a man from my small town, who always managed to crawl out from the woodwork. Girls being subjected to his persistent messages, desperate to receive nude images or any kind of sexual attention. Women are aware of his very odd demeanour. The predatory approach to women fits in neatly with his general world view; he is openly homophobic and racist. The same man who has been dismissed from his job for using homophobic slurs, and who also openly shares nazi art. This is the man who has essentially walked away from this case laughing.
He is a true risk to women. It terrifies me that he continues to prowl the streets of the same town, speaking to girls actively on dating apps. The man is a predator but how do we prove it? His benign charges included ‘breach of the peace’, which all 10 of the girls included in his conviction can testify is completely disgraceful injustice. There is a lack of trauma informed practice by the courts, rectifying a legal system designed by men, for men. This allows these predators to walk free.
The lack of solace demonstrated itself clearly when the perpetrator sent me a message very shortly after he was charged, stating that he is very unwell and seeks counselling; a message that had sat in his notes on the very phone he made the images with, ready to send. He is only sorry that he got caught.
Now that he has been convicted, the process continues to retraumatise the 10 girls who are victims of his vile images and objectifying, rape culture diatribe that surrounds them. We have each been granted compensation of £300. Our statements were worth only that. After the female police officer having to battle with four procurator fiscals until the fifth, of course female, agreed that this case is worth going to trial. What does this tell us about the system and male, legal attitude towards deep fake revenge porn? It is essentially a losing battle for women: the only thing that pushed for this to be taken seriously is our solidarity with each other; and the female legal representatives. It was essentially scrunched up by every other professional.
The agency he has over how this is paid astounds me. I receive a letter with his full name on it, every Friday, with a cheque signed for £11.10. This disgusts me. His name has to go through my front door every single week, for how many months? As many as he decides. Yet if I missed a council tax payment or a PCN, my wages would be arrested. This narrative for the perpetrator further supports the victim blaming culture which surrounds the heinous crimes.