It’s been over a year since I wrote my first blog for East Ayrshire Women’s Aid called Deepfakes – Revenge Porn 2.0. In recent months, the accused was found guilty so I thought I would reflect on how I’m feeling now.
My first blog was not live for very long before Police Scotland notified EAWA that the post should be taken down as at the time, it was an on-going investigation. To find the power to shout about something so personal to raise awareness was difficult, so I was sorely disappointed hearing this. I did not mention the perpetrators name, hometown, nothing that could be classed as defamation of character, yet again, I was silenced. I felt that although I (and many other girls involved) was the victim, the perpetrator received more anonymity and protection than I did. This angered me however I didn’t want to engage with activity that could jeopardise the case or the sentence, so the post was taken down.
So, what happened? He was sentenced to three years supervision, 250 hours unpaid work and has a non-harassment order against me for three years and I have to receive £333.00 compensation (£3000.00 split between all women involved) in the form of a measly cheque for £11.10 bi-weekly – I mean, really? It was so worth being graphically abused for a croissant and a coffee once a week. Although I do believe he has been let off far too lightly, I am happy he has been charged at all and I am very grateful for this as many women who experience abuse of any kind cannot say the same. I do however wish he had a charge on his record demonstrating how much of a danger he is to women as I think this is knowledge his employers, future partners etc should have access to. I hope his case is used as an example moving forward and no other person has to be told by a police officer ‘that’s not illegal’. I see more and more in the media about Deepfakes and I am grateful for the recognition as this needs to be made an illegal practice across the UK and I will continue to advocate for this until people feel safe enough to post pictures of themselves without living in fear.
As strange as it may be to say, I believe every cloud has a silver-lining and I am grateful this happened to me as I am strong enough to cope and come out of this at the other side. I can happily say I am no longer living in fear of someone recognising me from the Deepfakes or of running into him – I think he should be scared of me. I am excelling in every aspect of my life and I can’t say the same for the perpetrator (karma’s a bitch). I am also incredibly proud of all the women who were affected by this case for coming forward, speaking with police no matter how triggering, how we are bonded for life over this and have made something positive out of something so awful. I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the last few years after this incident and a past relationship to reclaim my identity and I could not have done it without all the amazing women in my life as they are my support system. I receive and give so much love from my female friendships and I’ve realised that they are the loves of my life – not some white knight. It’s my ladies. If you find yourself struggling to get over something someone has done to you, take solace in the knowledge that they will never be happy. Abusers need to live with their conscience and their guilt and I hope it tears them apart every day whilst you pour all your energy into your own cup. You are not what someone has done to you, this does not define you. You chose what you give energy to and I urge you to give it to yourself. Take it from me, things start to get pretty wonderful.
Kind regards,
Hannah